Today was day 1 of my treadmill kicking my ass. I used to do some sort of physical activity for an hour every day. Something small but it kept me in shape. Then I kind of stopped when work and school piled up. I had no idea it would suck this bad to get myself back into the swing of this. It feels good though. Its also really nice to not have to pay a gym. I have no excuse... I can run in the warmth of my living room. I must admit my work out gear is pretty amazing!

Its only Tuesday but I am really looking forward to this weekend. I love weekends! Now that I am in school my weeks seem so jammed. School/work, Work, School/work, Work, Work/work. It goes by fast.

I was just reminded how great Hello Nasty is/was.
Going to bed.

Where is my mind?

Last night was _______.
I am sure any word you can think of would fit well.

Went to No Scrubs. Wore the worst shoes. Had so much fun with London & William. David showed up. Walked barefoot in Fells... I am surprised my feet are still attached.

I woke up in the worst shape. Laid around all morning. I got to see snow. Once I finally motivated I ventured back to these parts to get Ella and ended up taking a nap with her for 3 hours. One of the many reasons I love my daughter.

My Great Grandfather is 89 today. 89!!!!

I am finally home and can not wait to sleep.

outlet.

So unproductive.

Made it to work by 9. I just was not into it. I stared at my Microbiology textbook for an hour reading the same sentence over and over.

Work picked up so I stepped away form the book.

Didn't work job #2 today.

Instead I went up to UB with Rita. Then went to Marley Macys and Nordstroms again for free stuf.

It was weird walking the same streets I have walked so many times before with my daughter. I felt like she knew the truth. Not that I lie to her. I just felt like she could sense... Mommy walked down this street with some scumbag. In reality she has no idea. It makes me wonder what I am doing walking with a 'scumbag'. Its a safety net and I am not sure why I feel the need to utilize it. Its a comfort zone. Its just easier.

But me being a paranoid freak thinking Ella has insider info made me think... wtf?! I have a role as Mommy. I have a role as single 22 year old. I don't know what I am doing. I do this day by day. I wish I had a handbook sometimes. The roles don't interfere. I guess walking with Ella down streets I have crawled is an eye opener? No street crawling in 09. Less beer this year.

I'm weird. I rule. I do a great job.

SO excited for friday... I will not behave. This I know. I figure wylin out once a month is healthy. Yeah. Healthy.

I am going to try to force myself to write daily.

Today didn't start the way I would have hoped.

I was woken by by phone vibrating in my face at 7 a.m. When I was almost positive I had set it for 9 a.m. I love the days when I can sleep in... today being one of them. My phone goes off again. I soon realize it is not my messed up alarm it is my Mother calling from outside the house attempting to get the last of her belongings. I do not like being the gatekeeper. I get up. Unlock the door and go back to bed. I feel like I am being stuck in the middle of this divorce and need to put my foot down. I put my foot down today.

I had a decent morning following that. Nice therapy sesh.

And for microbiology... I am pretty sure it is brutality in the form of science. There is no turning back. I just need to get in the right mind set and I know I will be fine.

Work was work.
Dinner was awesome. I feel like there is nothing better than girl time and Lemongrass.

Ella had her first invite to a sleepover which means Mommy has a free night without having to find a sitter. It is really nice. I plan on spending my night with London... hopefully William and some great jams. It would be really nice if DMX was our entrance music again. I am realizing I kind of completely love No Scrubs. It has yet to let me down.


Today I realized that not all of the opposite sex are horrible. Just the ones I choose to interact with. I need to step up my selection process. It shouldn't be hard... I think it may be easier said than done. Sometimes it is just so easy. Too easy. Too available. No regression, only progression 2k9. I think that will be the slogan for this year. Years are better with slogans. Its positive and fitting. Maybe I will put that in effect in a few weeks. Regression is just so comfortable. I need to do it asap. The sooner the better.

oh...
Dear spell check,
DMX is not misspelled.
Get with it... Dark Man X aka Earl Simmons.
Thanks,
Laurren

premiere.

Nina Simone ...basically sums up how I am feeling today.
I am ready... I think I am ready. I feel ready for life... for the first time. It is a really good feeling and I wish everyone could feel what I feel.

Last year was full of trial, error and serious self doubt. Similar to the years before. I feel good. I really do. I think that I have a good grasp on things at this point and I have all of the people around me that I need.

School starts back tomorrow. Work is work. I would be really happy if I figured out a new income option but its hard to find something flexible with the pay that I need.

I drove up to NJ for the Mongoz show. The ride was good. I have a new found love for London after her singing None Of Your Business. The show was amazing. I think it was what I needed to get out of my slump. It worked.