today was BEAUTIFUL.

back to the reality of school and work to the max tomorrow.
spring break did me well...

ready for warm weather, sandals, cut off shorts, day trips, never on sunday grilled cheese, 40s and boys.

I am ready.

contemplating moving to philly?

I feel disappointed.

Once again I need to weed through my life. I feel like a little old lady with a mountain of pulled weeds next to her.

I am really trying to turn my thought process around... instead of thinking about working 2 jobs and going to school because he is a deadbeat... I need to just focus on how amazing my daughter is and how I am slowly but surely progressing in the right direction.

Vacation was good. I spent nearly $100 on gas which was a huge bummer. I thought on driving trips gas was split... live and learn. I could have gone solo and spent the same amaount of $. I have been back home for 3 days and am ready to leave again. Monday I lounged with Ella in the morning, worked, went bowling. Tuesday... work and drop my car off to get fixed. Again. Today... has consisted of lounging with Ella. Wooo SPRING BREAK! Going to work in a bit and grocery shopping. I plan on making an awesome dinner tonight.

So nervous. Ready for the weekend.

I am deleting numbers from my phone.

My phone is a figurative representation of my life.
By deleting their number they don't exist in my phone or in my life.

...especially since I don't answer unless I know who it is. Since I don't know the numbers by memory this should work out really well.

It will be annoying but beneficial.

please, please, please... let me get what I want.


this bag! I know I can find it cheaper on eBay.

I just want to listen to band of horses all day everyday.

inspired by London... I am rotating spring music. Band of Horse, The Get Up Kids, Cold World, Dandy Warhols, Commodores, Deftones, Dinosaur Jr. the rotation is slowly growing.

I have come to realize that this is not going to be easy... but I have made it this far. 2 more years. 2 more years!

be-in

its so sad when you waste hope on people who do not even have hope in themselves.


after my lapse of judgment over the weekend I am back on track. it took this weekend for me to realize that I am so happy. So happy and I never knew it. I love the life I have created for Ella and I in the past year. It has been trial and error and we have some rough spots but it is so perfect for now. I love my friends and family so much. I never realized how much mental strain was put on me from an unhealthy relationship. This past weekend of trying to help put me right back in the slump of no patience, frustration and exhaustion. I cleared my head today. It felt good. I cut all lose strings and I am ready to go...

I am still recovering form exhaustion but I have so much to look forward to. School is going. Not as great as I would like but I should be able to focus now. Most of all I am looking forward to South Carolina in 8 days. it is going to be 4 whole days of now work, no school, nothing! Just sand, sun, salty air and my good friend. Not Maryland!!!!!!!

Its time for bed. Last night was rough.

The world is a scary place.
It is really scary to see people you love slowly slip away.
Today was good. I feel good about where things are right now.

I went up to Philadelphia. Went to Pennypack Park which is my all time fave. It was different this time but still good. Got coffee. Went to Nifty Fiftys and got an upset stomach. Maybe it was the "whole shebang" burger... cheddar, lettuce, tomato, onion, pickle, relish, ketchup and mustard. Yeah.. it was def that. Plus spicy fries and cherry cola. But so good. Cried a little and realized things happen for a reason. No matter how horrible. Drove home... made it in 2 hours with no excessive speeding!

I learned a few things and feel like I made some steps forward. Overall... thumbs up.